Volume I : Things My Exes Have Taught Me…I Am the Prototype

The last calendar 12 months have really been a series of bangers in terms of love, having a broken heart, of being able to rise above it all.  Then working to get past some of my own, ahem,  bullshit and foolishness issues.

Thinking of the lessons I have learned from the men in my life over the years, I wanted to post a list of those lessons.

  1. You should ALWAYS follow that gut feeling, that little voice.  If it tells you to stay, call, kiss, run, yell, shut up, duck, stand still, call, have a seat, ask, hug, walk away, be ready, sniff, pour a glass of wine.  Listen.  It will set you free.
  2. If a man (person) tells you something about him – particularly if it’s a warning, you should listen to him.  It sounds like this: Why are you dealing with me?  You don’t wanna mess with a man like me girl.  Don’t think too hard about this, maybe you should walk away.  Remember I told you this.
    …any of these statements or any variation…give serious consideration to walking away. Actually, just walk away.
  3. If he is a No Call/No Show (aka the NCNS) – leave him alone.  He’s not interested.  Unless he ended up in the hospital, works for the executive office of the POTUS or got arrested then there are few other excuses allowing for this behavior.
  4. Changing/rearranging dates constantly is a no no.  See No. 3 above.
  5. You cannot change anyone – don’t try.  Be able to accept them at face value.
  6. Love is an action verb.  Seen, shown and proved.
  7. When a person is ready to commit – they do it.  No foolishness.  No fuckery.  No mayhem.  It happens.  They are clear about it. Any uncertainty, you’re likely in the wrong place.
  8. As a woman, if you have to ask a man where you stand – you’re already in trouble.  Walk away.
  9. Second chances and Mulligans – might NOT be worth the effort.  If they are, then it’s only with one or two people.  No more.  There’s a reason he became your EX.
  10. A woman pursuing a man – bad idea.  Men really are meant to hunt.  This doesn’t mean you should be an ice queen or on the other hand a pushover.  But let him pursue you, make the dates. You may disagree, but I have proof this doesn’t work.
  11. Disrespect comes in many shades of fine.  Don’t be fooled.
  12. Be slow to marry.  Slow to divorce. Slow to be offended.  It will help you.
  13. If a man isn’t patient with you, or rushes you to any decision, deal breaker.
  14. Fight bitterness.  If someone breaks your heart, forgive them.  It will help you.
  15. There is nothing wrong with a dating break.  You’re not going to miss anything.  Take the time to work on yourself.  Your future version of yourself and your future mate will thank and bless you for it.
  16. Be interesting.  Have interests.  Do some things.   Have a life.  Know what’s going on in the world.  A real man will appreciate this.
  17. Know your limits and boundaries.
  18. There will be things you cannot see coming.  There’s no way to prepare for them.  People will change their mind, leave you, lie to you, betray you and all of the other crazy things humans do to other humans.  Be surprised.  Be devastated if you need to be.  Then be healed and be fabulous.  Be  moving on with your life.  Treat this incident as a lesson.  Learn and don’t repeat.  Learn and teach.
  19. At a certain point in our life (it varies for all women), we should be well aware of what we’re willing to accept.
  20. Never compromise yourself.  You’ll regret it.
  21. Make sure you become his friend first.  Jumping into being his “boo” doesn’t teach you much. Being his friend, you’ll learn a lot more.
  22. This should be self-explanatory but if he’s not calling & not showing up, he’s not interested.  Stop, drop and roll.
  23. Proverbs 19:19  A hot-tempered person must pay the penalty; rescue them, and you will have to do it again.
  24. Sex is vital, but intimacy is more valuable.
  25. Never settle.
  26. If his attention can only be maintained by your beauty, your money and your tail, then well, he’s not much of a keeper.
  27. Date variety = dates at the park, the house, road trips, wine festivals, walks and quiet nights at home. Find out if you two can spend quality time together.
  28. The ability to sit in silence together, reading, loving and just sharing is under-rated.
  29. Be able to spend three days solid with him.
  30. Know what you’re bringing to the table.
  31. Mean & unkind do not improve, they escalate.
  32. Never allow someone to judge you solely on your past.  If they continue to remind you of “who you used to be” then he’s not the person for you.
  33. Allow room for him to give to you.
  34. Get real tight with yourself.  You will spend more time with you more than anyone else.  Grow to love who you are.  If you don’t love or like what you’re seeing, start making changes.  Be The Prototype.
  35. Love yourself first.  Cliché yes.  True yes.   No need to look for it.  Love attracts loves.

What else would you add?  Send me your thoughts and I’ll add it to the follow up posts!



19 thoughts on “Volume I : Things My Exes Have Taught Me…I Am the Prototype

  1. An addition… Understand that people have a conscious and a subconscious purpose in eachother’s lives. In some instances you may be a buoy, a guide, reflection, savior, warning or mission. It varies and is always interesting. Clairvoyance is key, as is a willingness to follow wherever spirit leads.

    • Mr. Yearns! Great addition! And there is always a reason for people to be in our lives. I always see it as them working to leave us further ahead in our journey or giving us the required experience we need to arrive there or handle things when we get there.

      It means so much that you stopped through and took the time to read and comment!! I am so thankful!

  2. Pingback: Volume II : Things My Exes Have Taught Me…Yellow Brick Roads Do Exist « From Rae With Love (FRWL)

  3. Pingback: …And then it became clear! « mymilkaintsour

  4. Rae, thanks for sharing your soul. I feel like we’re sisters. I will pass this post on to my dearest lady friends- the relationship with the self is what shows up in another person, and this post is just a reminder to me and others that we’ve gotta value ourselves more. The healing of the soul is painful but powerfully healing, and once you get it, you’ve got it. Please keep up the good work and stay on your post. We need you to guide us back to ourselves and Him.

    • Ledona! Girl, we are sisters! Thank you! And thank you for the encouragement and your support. Yes, along the way I truly lost sight of God and myself. No more. It’s too important to stay on track. Funny though, I couldn’t see it years ago. You said something really powerful – the healing of the soul is very painful but when it gets going and you start to realize how sick you were and how broken you were in the first place, you get that taste of healing…it’s hard to go back to the other side of things.

      I’m definitely in more of a spiritual place than I’ve ever been. I promise to stay on it. Your comments and the feedback and encouragement I have been getting are reason enough for me to tell me story and let it be a lesson for those who happen upon the blog. Let’s be sure to stay in contact.


    • Hi, Yaa Yaa and thank you so much!!!!

      What it means is two-fold:

      1) Disrespect can come from many types of who we as women consider “fine” men: handsome, cute, wealthy, educated, smooth-talker, romantic, etc. The thing is, we tend to overlook blatant disrespect when we’re madly in love or blinded by all of the “good” qualities a man has. Some things though, no matter how much of a dream guy he is, cannot be overlooked. Forgiven yes, but not ignored or swept under the rug.

      2) Sometimes what can be subtle disrespect – we ignore as well. In this way, I mean a fine line. So for instance, I’m planning to go out with a guy and he cancels the date 10 minutes before I’m supposed to be there. I allow for a re-schedule. But on the re-schedule he doesn’t show up either. Now, that’s pretty blatant but when we like a brother and are all into him, we tend to allow for too much foolishness when what we should really do is follow our gut and walk away.

      I think I am going to do a Part II to this post as well. I hope I’ve explained this well.

      I read a few posts of your blog and I really enjoyed it!

      Thank you for stopping through and commenting. Love to hear your feedback!


  5. Pingback: Giving Up to Get Up : Giving People the Gift of Goodbye When Parting is Such Sweet Sorrow « From Rae With Love (FRWL)

    • Love you Shepp. You know you’ve always been there to support me through all of this and I’m so thankful for it. You inspire me as well. You’ve definitely on more days than a few given me a boost and provided that love and encouragement!! A true fab big brother!!!

  6. I know I have said this before, but something my father once said to me will stick with me for the rest of my life, when it comes to any type of relationship: friendship, companionship, marriage, etc. “if you don’t feel like you’re giving 150%, then you’re not giving your 50%”. I still find this true today, and I think a majority of people would. Thank you for always giving me 150% Rae. Your friendship means more to me than you know.

    • Awwww!! I love you girl. You’ve a very good friend to me. And thank you for how you support me. You give me 150% right back. And yes, if you don’t feel like you’re giving it 150% then it’s not enough. Your father is right. I will have to add this on part II. I will also have to keep this in mind for future reference.

  7. An awesome, important, endearing post! I especially love ” … Be surprised. Be devastated if you need to be. Then be healed and be fabulous.”

    Yes. 🙂

    • LOL!!! Thank you so much honey!! I appreciate you reading and commenting. It’s the process I’m in now. In the healing process and on to being fabulous. Love you!


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