The last calendar 12 months have really been a series of bangers in terms of love, having a broken heart, of being able to rise above it all. Then working to get past some of my own, ahem,
bullshit and foolishness issues.
Thinking of the lessons I have learned from the men in my life over the years, I wanted to post a list of those lessons.
- You should ALWAYS follow that gut feeling, that little voice. If it tells you to stay, call, kiss, run, yell, shut up, duck, stand still, call, have a seat, ask, hug, walk away, be ready, sniff, pour a glass of wine. Listen. It will set you free.
- If a man (person) tells you something about him – particularly if it’s a warning, you should listen to him. It sounds like this: Why are you dealing with me? You don’t wanna mess with a man like me girl. Don’t think too hard about this, maybe you should walk away. Remember I told you this.
…any of these statements or any variation…give serious consideration to walking away. Actually, just walk away.
- If he is a No Call/No Show (aka the NCNS) – leave him alone. He’s not interested. Unless he ended up in the hospital, works for the executive office of the POTUS or got arrested then there are few other excuses allowing for this behavior.
- Changing/rearranging dates constantly is a no no. See No. 3 above.
- You cannot change anyone – don’t try. Be able to accept them at face value.
- Love is an action verb. Seen, shown and proved.
- When a person is ready to commit – they do it. No foolishness. No fuckery. No mayhem. It happens. They are clear about it. Any uncertainty, you’re likely in the wrong place.
- As a woman, if you have to ask a man where you stand – you’re already in trouble. Walk away.
- Second chances and Mulligans – might NOT be worth the effort. If they are, then it’s only with one or two people. No more. There’s a reason he became your EX.
- A woman pursuing a man – bad idea. Men really are meant to hunt. This doesn’t mean you should be an ice queen or on the other hand a pushover. But let him pursue you, make the dates. You may disagree, but I have proof this doesn’t work.
- Disrespect comes in many shades of fine. Don’t be fooled.
- Be slow to marry. Slow to divorce. Slow to be offended. It will help you.
- If a man isn’t patient with you, or rushes you to any decision, deal breaker.
- Fight bitterness. If someone breaks your heart, forgive them. It will help you.
- There is nothing wrong with a dating break. You’re not going to miss anything. Take the time to work on yourself. Your future version of yourself and your future mate will thank and bless you for it.
- Be interesting. Have interests. Do some things. Have a life. Know what’s going on in the world. A real man will appreciate this.
- Know your limits and boundaries.
- There will be things you cannot see coming. There’s no way to prepare for them. People will change their mind, leave you, lie to you, betray you and all of the other crazy things humans do to other humans. Be surprised. Be devastated if you need to be. Then be healed and be fabulous. Be moving on with your life. Treat this incident as a lesson. Learn and don’t repeat. Learn and teach.
- At a certain point in our life (it varies for all women), we should be well aware of what we’re willing to accept.
- Never compromise yourself. You’ll regret it.
- Make sure you become his friend first. Jumping into being his “boo” doesn’t teach you much. Being his friend, you’ll learn a lot more.
- This should be self-explanatory but if he’s not calling & not showing up, he’s not interested. Stop, drop and roll.
- Proverbs 19:19 A hot-tempered person must pay the penalty; rescue them, and you will have to do it again.
- Sex is vital, but intimacy is more valuable.
- Never settle.
- If his attention can only be maintained by your beauty, your money and your tail, then well, he’s not much of a keeper.
- Date variety = dates at the park, the house, road trips, wine festivals, walks and quiet nights at home. Find out if you two can spend quality time together.
- The ability to sit in silence together, reading, loving and just sharing is under-rated.
- Be able to spend three days solid with him.
- Know what you’re bringing to the table.
- Mean & unkind do not improve, they escalate.
- Never allow someone to judge you solely on your past. If they continue to remind you of “who you used to be” then he’s not the person for you.
- Allow room for him to give to you.
- Get real tight with yourself. You will spend more time with you more than anyone else. Grow to love who you are. If you don’t love or like what you’re seeing, start making changes. Be The Prototype.
- Love yourself first. Cliché yes. True yes. No need to look for it. Love attracts loves.
What else would you add? Send me your thoughts and I’ll add it to the follow up posts!