Giving Up to Get Up Part III: Giving People the Gift of Goodbye When Parting is Such Sweet Sorrow

Juliet:
‘Tis almost morning, I would have thee gone—
And yet no farther than a wan-ton’s bird,
That lets it hop a little from his hand,
Like a poor prisoner in his twisted gyves,
And with a silken thread plucks it back again,
So loving-jealous of his liberty.

Romeo:
I would I were thy bird.

Juliet:
Sweet, so would I,
Yet I should kill thee with much cherishing.
Good night, good night! Parting is such sweet sorrow,
That I shall say good night till it be morrow.

Romeo And Juliet Act 2, scene 2, 176–185

Relationships are at the forefront of my mind this week as I try and really work through some things.

I started out discussing my six-month dating challenge.  I’ve also talked about a few things I learned from my exes.  Today I want to talk about the “Gift of Goodbye.”

I’ve been thinking about people I’ve said good-bye to over the years.   Some who have said good-bye to me.  Some have had to watch me leave.  Others I haven’t even had the time to bid adieu properly.

There have been some seriously difficult days, albeit weeks, this year when it comes to being able to let go of people who either walked away or I needed to walk away from.  It hasn’t been easy.  Especially when you love them.

I had to woman up a few times and just accept that:

It’s difficult.

It’s hard.

It’s painful.

It’s gut-wrenching.

I’ve had to lay in bed a few days sometimes over these good-byes.

I’ve shed tears and did the ugly cry.

The housework has gone undone (I don’t recommend this, but you get it).

I’ve let phone calls roll over because the number I saw didn’t belong to the one I was pining over.

Then one day, a little elf visited me and gave me my happy back.  I was glad I didn’t have to deal with the rigmarole that some people bring.  All that foolishness that people tend to bring with them when they’re not whole people. Not to say that any one of us is whole.  Most of us are broken.

We now have this light shining in our hearts, but we ourselves are like fragile clay jars containing this great treasure. This makes it clear that our great power is from God, not from ourselves. 2 Corinthians 4:7

We all have cracks.  We’re all jars of clay that have been cracked and resealed and repaired at some point.  I am.  It’s a part of the human condition.  However, some folks – well, they just aren’t whole nor do they choose to be.  You end up with all of the pieces in your hands, maybe even being blamed for the break.   Which is when you know it’s time to split ways.

The good-byes of my life turned out to be blessings in disguise.

Each time I’ve said good-bye or someone has peaced me out, it’s made me stronger.   It’s caused change.  It’s caused me to love more.   It’s made me a better woman.  It’s made me thankful.  It’s made me appreciative.  It’s shown me who is in my corner.  It’s made me learn to “measure twice and cut once” as the old folks used to say. I’m a better version of myself.  A stronger jar of clay this time.  If I get dropped, my cracks are sealed quicker.  Some hardcore realizations come about too.

Despite the pain, it’s the right thing to do sometimes.

It’s the best thing I can do sometimes.

It’s the only thing I should do other times.

Sometimes the goodbyes were mutual.  Sometimes I was at fault.  Sometimes one of us changed our minds.  Sometimes I chose to walk away.  Sometimes it was just time to split ways for whatever reason. It never made it any less painful.  Whether a good-bye is my choice or not, it can still be heartrending to say the least.

The point is, these are people I loved and I believe loved me.  This isn’t just applicable to men I’ve dated.  I’ve lost a friend or two along the way and it was just as painful because it was still someone I loved.

Then I realized, good-bye really isn’t all that bad.  It’s really a gift they can give you or you them when there’s nothing else left to give.  When all of the good times, respect, kindness, patience and love have left…guess what?

Bye bye baby.


And he says in the prologue on the song – not to look back right? Just kiss and say good-bye.  *As a side note I need one of those jumpsuits and to get my hair pressed and flipped like that. (#random)

So sing the song if you need to baby, but just be glad it’s over and say good-bye.

TD Jakes has a sermon called “Let it Go” and gives the best three-minute talk you’ll hear ever on the subject:

Today, I encourage you, if you’ve had to walk away, run away, or someone has walked away from you, quit you, fired you, broke up with you, betrayed you, broke your confidence, hurt you, I offer you hope.  Like the man said, your destiny is not tied to the person who left.

Give yourself the gift of knowledge it was just time.  Get home this evening, get yourself a good dinner, take a shower and have a glass of wine –  and understand although it may not feel this way today, and could likely not feel great for some time (sorry, sometimes it can be months), it will feel right when you get your wits about you and realize they weren’t meant to be there and aren’t tied to your destiny.

Good-byes don’t always warrant an explanation.  I learned that this year when someone walked away from me without one.  Sometimes, people will say good-bye.  Sometimes they won’t say a word.  Sometimes, you’ll just notice they aren’t there any more.  I’m here to tell you it’s okay.  They weren’t meant for you.

So, sometimes, parting is sweet sorrow.  Sometimes, it’s inevitable.  I know many times, I have been so hesitant to walk away from a relationship only for it to blow up in my face.  But, as a good friend said today, there’s no need for placating.  I figure it might as well blow up sooner rather than later.  It will save everyone time and heartache.  Everyone isn’t meant to be in the closest of your circles, or your best friend, husband, wife, boo, business partner, lover, boyfriend, girlfriend or whatever other label we’d like to give them.  Remember, there is a reason they or you said good-bye in the first place.  Some people who’ve left me…they will be left right there in the past.  No love lost.

The fact is, if someone is consistently hurting us, and it’s hurting us while loving them; if we find we’re not better persons or better off overall because they’re in our life, then we need to check ourselves and make sure we learn how to just give the gift of good-bye or accept the gift of good-bye.  Parting may be sweet sorrow, but it’s better to part,  than allowing someone to cause trauma to your spirit or overall being.  Learn to part ways.

As Kenny Rogers once said, “Know when to fold ’em, know when to hold ’em..Know when to walk away, know when to run…”

With that, I will part with Mr. Rogers’s wonderful performance with The Muppets no less….

I’m on a roll today with this music right?

(as I put my cowboy boots on and my hat and dance my line dance)

Love y’all,

Rae

Advertisements

12 thoughts on “Giving Up to Get Up Part III: Giving People the Gift of Goodbye When Parting is Such Sweet Sorrow

  1. Hi Yaa Yaa. Thank you so much for your comment. It really is gut wrenching isn’t it? Trust I understand. I feel you on the “treasure” part. It’s not always evident. Sometimes it’s taken me months or a year out and then some to understand it. Thank you so much for reading and commenting.

  2. I love this. I recently had to say goodbye to someone I cared about. And it was everything you said it was. Gut-wrenching, sad, a tear-jerker. But at the end of the day, it was a gift. I still don’t see the “treasure” inside yet but I know it’s there. Thank you for this post.

  3. Pingback: Leaving things under the rocks….Some things are better left alone « From Rae With Love (FRWL)

  4. AWW …. After six year of playing his jesus, I get all this:) The relationship was not part of my destiny!!! Although, yes I have said and heard this message many times over the last several years it still resonates. It allowed me to realize its not just the male relationships but as you said female, work and any others. Letting go and saying good bye for good is a blessing in disguise!! I’m new to your website but LOVE,LOVE, LOVE it:)

    • Hey Sha!! THANK YOU so so much for stopping through and commenting. I really appreciate it!!! I’m glad you found your way to my blog.

      LOL…girl, it’s been so long for me to understand this “Goodbye” business. So I really “get” it. I mean, my people tried to tell me before, but I couldn’t really hear it. Now, like you said, it resonates.

      Make sure to stay in touch!
      Rae

  5. Pingback: Volume II : Things My Exes Have Taught Me…Yellow Brick Roads Do Exist « From Rae With Love (FRWL)

  6. Love this article. Learning to accept the gift of goodbye has been difficult for me, especially when I know that goodbye will leave me emotionally messed up. But, its a needed to move onto be happy and grow.

    • Hi!!! Yes! It’s surely difficult. I look at it like this though – if you’re in a bad situation it will leave you worse you know? Or at least for me, when I stayed I only prolonged the inevitable. In the event you need to walk away, be ready. No one can tell you it’s time. You have to have fully decided. In due time.

      I promise you, there were more men I stayed with that I had no business dealing with or letting back in my life. Be assured it can get better. I’m living proof.

  7. Aww, how kind of you to listen and take notice of another stranger’s woes. As of now, I’m trying the No Contact thingy,I have also made my mind up to take a break from the dating world for 6 months as you have advocated. I think it’s the best thing to do, so I won’t be bringing any emotional baggage.

    As of now, even though the sky looks a little bit grey, rays of sunshine can be seen. I have my days when I am at my all time low and then there are also times when I’m as happy as I could ever be. I guess pain comes in waves. And I guess that’s alright for me, it shows me that I’m human and I’m going to embrace my pain since once your at an all time low, you really can’t sink any lower and it will only get better from there.

    I’m so sorry to hear about the loss of your grandmother. Just know that she’s in heavens looking out for you. I have recently loss my friend too, so I have a clue on how u feel.

    But don’t worry, keep doing what you’re doing. Your words are magical and they’d certainly inspire more women and the many silent readers out. With love.

  8. You are amazing. The things you write about are amazing. Thank you so much for the solace and hope you are offering me with the amazing things you say. I am someone who have been in so much pain in my relationship in the past 2 years and now I’m just ready to let everything go and just walk away.

    It’s not easy but reading what you write has certainly eased my pain and put my sorrow into perspective.

    Thank you so much. Keep doing what you’re doing. And have a nice day 🙂

    • Thank you Ms. F!!! Just know that it gets better. One way or another things will work out. I really understand where you’re coming from. I am on the other side of the pain and sorrow. There’s a story that goes this woman was telling an elder in the church that she was going through some things. He said to her, make sure you go through them – don’t get stuck – keep moving and go through. In other words, there’s another side. You’ll know when it’s time to walk away. Sometimes it can be the best thing for us. Make sure you take care of yourself and do what’s right for you. I’m glad you stopped by the the blog. Contact me anytime!! And please keep me posted on how things are going, how you’re doing.

Thoughts?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s