Stop Apologizing for Who You Are….Be Who You Want to Be

This post is dedicated to those who live their lives unapologetically.

I was reading an article on Very Smart Brothers the other day about how the writer, Champ,  is in love with Issa Rae and Tracey Oliver.   His article pointed out what is obvious, but not so obvious – that when all the critics decided to come down on the writers of Awkward Black Girl, the creators Issa Rae and Tracey Oliver responded with this:

An Open Response from Tracy Oliver & Issa Rae

Some of our viewers may have been offended by some of the language in our recent episode. We take this matter especially to heart, considering the CFC and members of the LGBT community were among the first to embrace ‘The Misadventures of Awkward Black Girl.’

Since our first episode debuted in February this year, ‘Awkward Black Girl’ has received an incredible outpouring of support from hundreds of thousands of fans. We love and appreciate each and every one of our fans! In return, we strive to provide a show that uses irreverent comedy and humor to address the oftentimes uncomfortable situations that many people have experienced at some point or another in their lives.

In creating a series of this nature, we are willing to accept the praise when the jokes work and the feedback when they may not.

Sincerely, Issa & Tracy

And these women didn’t apologize.

It took me a while to think about it.  In fact, I’ve slept on it for a few days after reading not only their apology but The Champ’s response to it as well.

I took note of it.  I believe in their approach.  Stop apologizing for what I create.  Be able to stand by what I create.  Be able to stand by who I am and my choices.

It made me take stock of how I conduct myself.  Am I too apologetic?  Am I always worried about what others are thinking?  What if I write this blog post and folks tear it up?  I mean, why should I care?

I am a believer in living life unapologetically.  That’s not to say I never apologize.  Sometimes my ass is just flat-out wrong and an apology is due.  However, it takes knowing yourself very well to know when you’re in the wrong versus when someone isn’t trying to gaslight you into believing their load of bullshit and force you to submit.

Nay I say, nay.

Raenote: You can be unapologetic and unwavering.  However, don’t be the person that no one can counsel you or tell you about yourself.  That’s just some crazy shat and you’re setting yourself up for failure.  Being unapologetic means you’re willing to “chart your own course” but are also willing to change it given the need for a change.  If you’re unwavering, to me that means you are reliable and consistent.  You can trust and count on yourself.  Others can trust and count on you as well.  You can trust the decisions you’re making because you’re using discernment and the wisdom you’ve collected.  When the decisions don’t pan out with the results you’ve hoped for, you woman-up and pick up those broken pieces (when you’re ready), heal and move forward.

There is something about a woman who is accountable for her life and what she chooses to add to the world.  I strive to be one of those women.  A good friend of mine, Rodd Klever, advised me I know myself better than I give myself credit for.  He does have a point.  I am also sure I’m always going to chart my own course.  I may take a detour from time to time, but if people want to walk, then we need to be going in the same direction, same path.

I admire Issa Rae and Tracy Oliver.  They are successful because they chose to follow their own instincts, their guts and put things out there in a way others haven’t before.  The way they wanted to do it.  This is also known as being an innovator.  They are setting the mark and the tone for others to follow behind them.

Mostly, for me, they are inspirational.  They make me realize (without them trying), that all of those posts I don’t think I should write, should probably be written.   Things I think shouldn’t be said should be spoken.  It’s always about presentation.   They remind me of my desire to live unapologetically, to have no regrets.  People respect you when you hold your ground and are unwavering.

I feel a shift coming on, blog growth & change, author growth and change.

Truthfully, I have debated on how far I would go with the blog recently.     I believe I have an answer and the green light I needed to move it to the next level.

“If you truly expect to realize your dreams, abandon the need for blanket approval. If conforming to everyone’s expectations is the number one goal, you have sacrificed your uniqueness, and therefore your excellence.” ~ Hope Solo




8 thoughts on “Stop Apologizing for Who You Are….Be Who You Want to Be

  1. this is a great post and gives me food for thought.

    i think there has to be a balance. there is a difference in apologizing for who you are, standing up for what you believe in and acknowledging the consequences of your actions.

    but i’m definitely going to think more on this!

    • Hey!! You are so right. There must be a balance. I think we get those things so confused sometimes & you broke it down perfectly!! It’s important to just be who you are, try to improve yourself and work on things as they come up. Lord knows I was writing this post for me because sometimes, I don’t follow my gut when I should. The more I follow that quiet voice and listen, the better my life gets and the more productive.

    • Thank you so much! You know, I used to live that way. In the recent years, it’s been too taxing. I really started to let go of a lot of things and decided I wanted an authentic life – not some made up idea of one. Thank you so much for commenting and stopping through!

  2. You know, it’s really weird that you said that. Ever since I read that post, I’ve been questioning myself about being too apologetic. I mean, people seem to do what they want without missing a wink a sleep or worrying at the end of the day if they’ve offended anyone.

    Then…I thought about how I’m a good person who works everyday to be the best person a person should be in a world of evil, selfish people with their own agenda.

    While I believe their response to the critics were diplomatic, they could’ve said “eff you” and it would’ve been the same.

    I don’t know. I couldn’t do what they do.

    I went through a blog growth and change when I went through a personal growth and change. Being more in tune with the good side made me EMBARRASSED at older blog posts I’d written. I couldn’t believe the way I used to write.

    I eliminated the curse words and bashing of specific groups; for the patience upgrade I’d received personally translated into tolerance, you know.

    I could go on but I won’t. 🙂 I enjoyed reading this more than you know.

    • Yessss Chap don’t they??!! Thank you so much for stopping through and commenting! People are really wanton and jiggy around here through the blogs. It’s really surprising to me how offensive people are and really don’t seem to care. Or maybe they do, but care more about advertising and numbers? I really don’t get it. I know if that was me, and people were reading it, they’d wonder what had happened to me. I’m not perfect by any means, but what’s published – it should be well thought out and considered. Like you, I couldn’t do what they do. I would be ashamed. I realize there are more people reading and I’ll be damned if I’m going to add more negativity to the mayhem out there already.

      And yes, I agree with everything you’re saying. I think the blog has caused me to look at some things. I had already been wondering how much to say and how to say it all. Then I read those two posts. I really had to sit and think. It’s good to be able to see your own progress and know that you’ve grown as a person. I think that’s the key to being a successful human – progress, not perfection.

      I believe that’s why I waited so long to start the blog – because I wanted to be sure whatever I write, I’m willing to stand by it. It really is a difference in they way I would have written this blog say, five years ago, versus today. I would have lit some people up! LOL….

      So glad you enjoyed reading it! And thank you again for stopping by.

  3. Awww!!! Thank you so much Marie!! I appreciate that and your support and time. Thank you for stopping by, reading and commenting!!! You know it means errrvvverryythang for you to say that!


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