A Sight for Sore Eyes – Thoughts on the Congruent Self

This post is about seeing the people in your life.  In the here and now.  Real time.

It’s also about meeting people where they are.

I was watching a movie with a friend the other evening.  Actually, he was watching and I was running out of the room because it was a movie I couldn’t sit through.  That in itself is another blog post.  Rae note: I don’t watch scary movies, things that I find too disturbing or anything that might upset me too much.  Should I choose to embark on a new adventure with a film, it will be in safe daylight hours after having fully been brought up to speed as to what I can or should expect.  A girl has to be careful what she watches these days.

At any rate, some scenes in the movie made me think about how as people we really don’t SEE each other.  We lack the perspective to really pass through all of the bullshit sometimes and see people as they are, where they are, for what they are.

I think of all of the people who are hiding something from everyone around them or near them.  That one secret (or ten) they hold to themselves.  Or the secret that is shared with others with the same vice or just as much to lose.   And truthfully, you can only see and understand as much as a person will allow you to see and understand.

We hide so much of ourselves.  I used to. I used to hide who I was and my life from my parents.  But seeing as how I am “good & grown” as they like to say, I decided somewhere in the last ten years it wasn’t needed any more.  Who has time to be someone different?  It’s not to say I was doing anything they hadn’t probably done or gone through, but I was afraid of what they would think of me.  Mostly, this is what it comes down to – fear of what others think of us or the threat of losing someone we care about if they really know the truth about us.

I was watching Tony Robbins on OWN.  If you’re throwing shade at Tony Robbins, stop.  I drink his kool aid and I think he’s profound so there’s not much you can tell me.  Anywho, his WIFE said something that really moved me.  She said, “Tony is the most congruent person I know.”  She was speaking that he can talk it because he lives it.  Isn’t that who we all want to be?  Isn’t that what makes so many of us create these false personas and personalities?

I want to be the same person online that I am offline.  The same person to my parents, friends, spouse/partner, loved ones and the strangers that meet me.   When people meet me, I want them to know who they’re dealing with.  I want them to find the words I’m writing match the woman they know and meet.  That I don’t have to hide all of my imperfections.

I know we all talk about being transparent, living honestly and being “true to oneself.”  But how many of us are really making it happen?  How many of us have come to terms with who we are as a person?  Can we marry all of our selves?  I mean the self that loves God, the self that watches crazy things on TV, the self that loves to curse, the self that wants to protect and take care of children, the self that loves to cook and drink cheap wine, the self that can appreciate the beauty of a fine man.  I have many selves ..many pieces of me as Ledisi has so put it.

A few years ago, in the depths of failed dating relationships and no progress, I took a long hard look at myself.  Unfortunately, I wasn’t happy with the person I saw.  I had compromised myself in too many ways too many times.  It had taken a toll.  I had made too many allowances for people I shouldn’t have even allowed into my sphere.  When this happens, there are only a couple of choices:

  1. I carry on without any reservation and continue down the same path.
  2. I make changes towards being the person I want to become.

I chose No. 2.  And it’s a daily battle.  I’m sure anyone attempting to walk a halfway decent path will tell you it’s a battle.  Never for the faint of heart.  Not to be taken lightly.  But I can assure you it’s worth it.  I get to go to sleep at night in peace.  Knowing I’ve done what I could to be the best “me” I could be.

It would be a sight for sore eyes to be able to see people as they are.  Good. Bad. Ugly.  Beautiful.  Restless.  Fractured.  It would be a sight for sore eyes for people to be able to live as themselves without fear of being abandoned by those they love because of who they are.

Meet people where they are.  Choose to see them as they are.  Love them as they are.  Love yourself where you are.




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