Having this conversation the other evening, I began to wonder, does it matter how your significant other loves you?
Ever been with someone and you
want to believe know they love you, but it doesn’t show the way you’d like for it to? What does that look like for you? Have you ever had to constantly wonder if the person is into you? How did you handle it?
Have you read the The Five Love Languages? What if you partner doesn’t speak yours?
Here is an explanation of the Five Love Languages taken from Gary Chapman’s website:
Words of Affirmation
Actions don’t always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, “I love you,” are important—hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten.
In the vernacular of Quality Time, nothing says, “I love you,” like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there—with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby—makes your significant other feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful.
Don’t mistake this love language for materialism; the receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. If you speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, you are cared for, and you are prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to you. A missed birthday, anniversary, or a hasty, thoughtless gift would be disastrous—so would the absence of everyday gestures.
Acts of Service
Can vacuuming the floors really be an expression of love? Absolutely! Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an “Acts of Service” person will speak volumes. The words he or she most want to hear: “Let me do that for you.” Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them tell speakers of this language their feelings don’t matter.
This language isn’t all about the bedroom. A person whose primary language is Physical Touch is, not surprisingly, very touchy. Hugs, pats on the back, holding hands, and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder, or face—they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive.
If you’re not aware of your love language, go here and take the assessment test. I have known for years my love language is a tie on any given day between quality time and physical touch. I know my parents love languages. I am pretty aware of those of my close friends.
Here’s the thing: whatever it is, you have to learn to speak the other person’s language. And they need to speak yours. It may take some time and some research but it’s worth it.
I’m a firm believer when I am truly interested in my significant other, I study them. I know their likes and dislikes. I recognize when something has changed. I am not afraid to have the hard and difficult conversations with them. I am eager to make them a priority.
The bottom line is if someone I sincerely love, isn’t feeling loved then some changes have to be made. It’s important to recognize where adjustments may need to be made when this person and our relationship are critical to me.
What’s your love language? Are you getting through to the people you love? Are you able to be fluent to their needs?