11 Lessons for Love : Ways to Keep it Together (Assuming You Want To)…

I wanted to do a post about the things, about the glue that keeps relationships together.  About the things I have done right & the advice I have given that’s been right on point.  I have had my fair share of good love.  Git yo mind out da gutta! But whatever you were probably thinking, I’ve had that too. Whew! Good times!!

I speak with a lot of younger women & sisters about their relationships.  My friends have often had to listen to my trials and tribulations more than they wanted.  I love them for their support which is why I will listen tirelessly to a point when people start complaining about relationships breaking up and what to do, how to get through and how to restore & recover. So here are the lessons I’ve learned on what keeps it fresh, what keeps it poppin, what keeps a brother happy and returning to you over and over.  It goes without saying that honesty, respect, integrity and faithfulness, establishment of boundaries and all the other good stuff should be discussed.  And although it seems obvious all of these things should be included, by the looks of people’s twitter feeds it’s not so obvious.  I digress. Forgive me. 

May I also add that because a person hasn’t been married doesn’t mean they cannot be a force of positive support for your relationship or marriage.  The key factor is they need to be about YOU.  When talking to someone about your relationship the person should be a confidante and one of the people who will stay up late with you on late night watch when you have been pulled off the proverbial “ledge.”  They should have your best interest at heart – want to see you do well in life and overall – and not for their benefit.  Just for the simple fact that they love you.  Without further adieu…

Here we go:

  1. Men love food.  They like to eat.  They think about it a lot (just like sex). They love good food.  Mostly though, they are basic creatures.  I believe in cooking.  A sandwich (sammiches count).  Chicken and rice.  Steak.  Lasagna.  Curry shrimp. Vegan BLTs.  I don’t care.  Cook.  If you have to, order out – but never lie about where the food came from or who made it.
  2. Men love peace.  Stop being a naysayer, complainer and a whiner.  Stop bitching.  Get off his ass for a few nights.  Encourage him.  If he ain’t shit isn’t doing too well, encourage him.  Mostly – just stay off his arse.   You can only ride it so much before it gets old, they shut you out and stop listening.
  3. Do something inexpensive but unexpected.  Something he wants but hasn’t asked for.  A cheap watch.  A key ring.  A fitted.  Something.  Just do something small and nice for him.
  4. Remember his special dates. Birthday,  his son’s/daughter’s birthday, his mother’s birthday, the day he got promoted, founder’s day of the fraternity.  By the way, it actually requires you to pay attention and ask questions.
  5. Compliment him.  Have you told your man lately how sexy he is?  How you love his hair or the way he smells? His smile?  It could be the way he wrangles that garbage and takes it out for you every Tuesday morning.  Compliment him.
  6. Don’t criticize him in front of anyone.  Ever.
  7. Let him have control of the TV for his games – without an argument.  Slide off and let him have his time too.  He probably thinks the fact that you’re watching RHOA is futile so don’t judge his addiction to ESPN.
  8. Serve him.  Not in the way y’all are thinking (but I won’t knock that either). Make his plate for him.  This is some old fashioned, old school ish but it works and can change the temperature of a room in minutes.  See #1 about having food.
  9. Be thankful. All those little things he does to keep you from having to do them?  Yeah.  Thank him for doing those things.  Taking out the trash, cleaning the kitchen, getting your car fixed, helping your mother out, helping you move, giving you money for what you asked for, giving you money for what you didn’t ask for.  It’s not mandatory so be appreciative.
  10. Support his ideas.  Even.If.You.Think.This. Man.Is.Off.His.Rocker.
  11. Initiate.  This means what you think it means.  Kiss him.  Rub on him.  Start the fire and put it out.  Amen

What else could we add to the list?

Love,

Rae

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