I had this idea over the years that all of the notebooks and the snippets of stories would someday rescue me. That they would all come together into a novel.
Clearly, I was wrong.
I have a pile of stories that are amazing…possibly ready to be published – if I would finish them. Lines upon lines of unfinished or “homeless” sentences.
I was going through some of my notebooks and archived ideas the other day. I almost had a heart attack at some of the horrible writing I was reading. Wondering to myself how I came up with some of the foolishness I had actually written down. In my opinion it was bad. It wasn’t reading the way I wanted it to read.
I panicked. I’m still panicking a bit.
I was so worried. I was like all of this horribly written shit? Lord help me.
Just when I think all hope is lost, I find a gem in the hundreds of misguided stories. One that could possibly save my hope for myself as a writer. I’m sure you’re asking (and maybe not but I am) why would I think I’m a bad writer? See, that’s the thing. I don’t.
But the way I have progressed over the years; what I write now versus what I wrote then; what I can envision now and capture in the written word? It’s so different.
Writing fiction is different than writing creative non-fiction (which is how I see this blog). It’s creative, but I’m speaking from my life. What I talk about is real. But isn’t the imaginary world I would create in a novel real? Creating a world in which I can immerse myself, in which other readers can immerse themselves for a while feels like an entirely different thing.
But is it? How come I’m having such a difficult time hearing the characters and seeing the story? Will it at some point just come to me?
During my #30IN30 this month – and this is Day 22, I’ve learned I need to keep writing and show up at the keyboard no matter what. If it takes writing some shit, then that may be what I need to do to flesh out the one sentence birthing a novel, a story. I also know as the days have passed, I’ve found I can write – and write well, under duress and pressure and still have something of value. Please see the days when I posted twice or three times to catch up.
So now the question is can I write fiction? Will it be something I need to put on hold until later? Am I better at creative non-fiction? I need to sort a few things out. I need and want to take a few classes.
In the meantime, I will continue to write, journal, read and most importantly, live. Collect all of the stories of life.
I waited many years before I decided to begin the blog. I’m thankful I did because had I not, I would have had to pay with the awful writing I was seeing. I knew then I wasn’t ready to share all of the stories, the parts of my life. Now, on a different shift I am growing and learning to look at the newer goals I have writing. After the #30IN30 has ended, I will post a few short stories here on the blog for your critique to see what you think. Beyond that, I’m planning to submit a few of the stories (once finished) for publishing in the literary journals. I will need to set an official blog schedule within the next nine days.
What are your thoughts on your writing over the years? If you’ve been participating in #30IN30 and #Writelikecrazy have you set goals beyond the challenge? What kinds of things have you learned during the challenge?