When a Writer Panics

I had this idea over the years that all of the notebooks and the snippets of stories would someday rescue me.  That they would all come together into a novel.

Clearly, I was wrong.

I have a pile of stories that are amazing…possibly ready to be published – if I would finish them.  Lines upon lines of unfinished or “homeless” sentences.

I was going through some of my notebooks and archived ideas the other day.  I almost had a heart attack at some of the horrible writing I was reading.  Wondering to myself how I came up with some of the foolishness I had actually written down.  In my opinion it was bad.  It wasn’t reading the way I wanted it to read.

I panicked.  I’m still panicking a bit.

I was so worried.  I was like all of this horribly written shit?  Lord help me.

Just when I think all hope is lost, I find a gem in the hundreds of misguided stories.  One that could possibly save my hope for myself as a writer.  I’m sure you’re asking (and maybe not but I am) why would I think I’m a bad writer?  See, that’s the thing.  I don’t.

But the way I have progressed over the years; what I write now versus what I wrote then; what I can envision now and capture in the written word?  It’s so different.

Writing fiction is different than writing creative non-fiction (which is how I see this blog).  It’s creative, but I’m speaking from my life.  What I talk about is real.  But isn’t the imaginary world I would create in a novel real?  Creating a world in which I can immerse myself, in which other readers can immerse themselves for a while feels like an entirely different thing.

But is it?  How come I’m having such a difficult time hearing the characters and seeing the story?  Will it at some point just come to me?

During my #30IN30 this month – and this is Day 22, I’ve learned I need to keep writing and show up at the keyboard no matter what.  If it takes writing some shit, then that may be what I need to do to flesh out the one sentence birthing a novel, a story.  I also know as the days have passed, I’ve found I can write – and write well, under duress and pressure and still have something of value.  Please see the days when I posted twice or three times to catch up.

So now the question is can I write fiction?  Will it be something I need to put on hold until later?  Am I better at creative non-fiction?  I need to sort a few things out. I need and want to take a few classes.

In the meantime, I will continue to write, journal, read and most importantly, live.  Collect all of the stories of life.

I waited many years before I decided to begin the blog.  I’m thankful I did because had I not, I would have had to pay with the awful writing I was seeing.  I knew then I wasn’t ready to share all of the stories, the parts of my life.  Now, on a different shift I am growing and learning to look at the newer goals I have writing.  After the #30IN30 has ended, I will post a few short stories here on the blog for your critique to see what you think.  Beyond that, I’m planning to submit a few of the stories (once finished) for publishing in the literary journals.  I will need to set an official blog schedule within the next nine days.

What are your thoughts on your writing over the years?  If you’ve been participating in #30IN30 and #Writelikecrazy have you set goals beyond the challenge?  What kinds of things have you learned during the challenge?
Love,

Rae

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2 thoughts on “When a Writer Panics

  1. Pingback: 30 in 30 + Write Like Crazy = Success « From Rae With Love (FRWL)

  2. Pingback: Like Cutting Teeth « From Rae With Love (FRWL)

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