Truth vs Convenience

There comes a time when we all must tell the truth.  Even if the truth we tell is only to ourselves and our God.  I can’t run from God and I can’t run from myself.  I’ve tried to do both – sometimes simultaneously and it always ends in a crash and burn.  Me crashing and me burning.  God always wins, so I found it easier to just get in line with Him.  My life is a long Dr. Seuss moment of “wherever you go there you are.”  Even when the truth is inconvenient, I still need to be able to accept it.  I may wrestle it down trying to change it, but truth doesn’t change.

But is truth really inconvenient?  Yes.

The reality of lying is far worse.  Having dated met compulsive liars and textbook narcissists in my time, the lies and deceit are far worse than any truth someone can drop on me.

I’ve learned however, although I may speak the truth, in the not-so-distant past, I’ve told  people what will be convenient.  I wasn’t lying.  But it was the answer they needed to hear.  Whatever won’t (or I think won’t) disrupt their lives.  It allows them to rest easier.  I’ve rested easier in some ways too.  It’s still the right thing to do, the right thing to say.  But in my heart, I may be yelling and screaming.  I’ll want to tell them how I think what they’re doing is the wrong thing.  I may just want to tell them that the path they’re taking is wrong.  However, since it’s not my life to live?  And I’ve resigned from being a Joan of Arc and shit, I have a sit down. A seat.  Several.

But what happens, if I’m afraid to say it because what I think is the right thing will ultimately benefit me too?  How will the other person look at it?

Does that make it wrong?

Enter the dichotomy. The dualism.  The torn nature.  The struggle.  The multitudes.

Do I tell you what I most want?  If I do, does it make me a bad person when it won’t be the best thing for you?  Or will it be the best thing for you too?

Lord, sometimes caring about other people and their feelings can be so difficult.  That piece of human soul quality that puts others’ needs before our own.  I feel like I have an extra helping of it. It makes things that much more complicated. Some days, I wish I could just turn that consideration off and do what I wanted to do.

It’s the inability to see down the line and how today’s decision, or indecision will affect life later.  I’m not trying to fight unnecessarily.  I’ve given up the need to be right.  It doesn’t matter most times unless it’s life or death and well, most issues aren’t life or death.  At the same time, if I need to go to bat for what I want, for something I believe in, I am equally a formidable ally and an opponent to contend with.  I prefer not to fight most days.  I was told not too long ago by someone I dated, my strong personality will win most days.  But that’s the thing – I don’t want to have to win.  It’s about what’s best between two people.  What’s the point in trying to prove you’re right all the time if it’s the end of something you want?

Really though, how do you reconcile expressing your needs, telling the truth and not feeling guilty?  Or indulgent even? My needs are my needs. My emotions and my truth are mine.   But how many times has someone asked us (me) a question and we (I) tell them what I (we) think sounds best because I (we) don’t think they can handle the full unadulterated truth?  I have done this many times in my few decades on Earth.  It’s not that I didn’t want to tell them everything I wanted, it’s that I didn’t want to inconvenience them.
But what happens to me at the end of the day? What happens to them?  What if I don’t woman up and say what I need to say?

I’ll tell you what – I lose out and it’s possible the other person loses out too.  If everything isn’t on the table, then how can the best decision be made?  How many times have I said – if only I had known this piece of the equation I would have done (insert whatever action) instead?

I know you’re going to cuss me out – but I don’t have a solution.  Maybe it’s to be even more open?  Not give regard to others?  Maybe it’s to get better about surrounding myself with people who can read me – even when I try to hide.

Any thoughts? How do you/have you handle truth when it isn’t convenient?
Love,

Rae

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7 thoughts on “Truth vs Convenience

  1. Admittedly, I’m late in reading, but daannnmmm! There’s truth all through this. Lying to self is not way to. It can be painful for us, and others, but being transparent, open, and honest is the only way for us to get what we really need. If we shuck and jive even a little bit, then we’re holding back ourselves, as well as the one who wants to know the real us.

    • You know B, I have seen first hand what being closed will do. I’d much rather at this point just put it all out there on the table. It doesn’t have to be announced to the world, but we have to be able to deal with it all and allow others the chance to deal with it as well. Also, like you said, being transparent is the only way for us to get what we really need. This is very much the truth.

  2. Not meaning to sound like a saint or anything but “the truth shall set you free”. I have never had a problem with this because even as a little girl I never seen the point of telling a lie. It causes you to maybe have to tell another one and they always seem to have a way of coming out anyway so what’s the point?.

    I think this is why people find I’m easy to talk to and like to confide in me because it is usually sound advice. I will give it to them straight and they sense that I am not being phony. It’s actually pretty easy to do when you are even-keeled and secure within your self and all of your relationships because what you say and represent would be devoid of all the misery, bitterness, jealousy & competivness that makes some want to tell a fib in the first place.

  3. I used to worry whether the truth was convenient, but the burden of holding the truth for the sake of someone’s feelings became too heavy for me to bare. One of the most powerful lessons I’ve learned so far in this life. Thank you Rae.

  4. Such truth here! The piece on consideration of others is heavy and real. The truth only inconveniences us when we are content with the lies (perhaps) we’ve been living. I do struggle with changing my lifestyle to truth in some instances because the lies don’t leave me much to deal with/confront. The truth will remain whether we are inconvenienced or not and so surrounding ones self with those who tell the truth because its truth is a great thing to do. The delivery of truth can differ to spare feelings but regardless-truth still remains. The concept of ignorance does factor in when we consider being the bearers of truth. If you have someone who needs the truth and you know it (their ignorance) and you don’t tell them—the other may be better off as far as character goes. I know it’s difficult to hurt others with the truth, but it is freeing…should we stay shackled and keep others in the same condition when we have access to what can free us all? It may not be an easy process but “truth vs convenience” = “free vs shackled” – I think. Thanks for this post of conviction.

    • I agree – it really is a growth process of learning how to be wholly truthful. Dealing with the discomfort and also dealing with the possible rejection but it’s a rite of passage of sorts.

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