There comes a time when we all must tell the truth. Even if the truth we tell is only to ourselves and our God. I can’t run from God and I can’t run from myself. I’ve tried to do both – sometimes simultaneously and it always ends in a crash and burn. Me crashing and me burning. God always wins, so I found it easier to just get in line with Him. My life is a long Dr. Seuss moment of “wherever you go there you are.” Even when the truth is inconvenient, I still need to be able to accept it. I may wrestle it down trying to change it, but truth doesn’t change.
But is truth really inconvenient? Yes.
The reality of lying is far worse. Having
dated met compulsive liars and textbook narcissists in my time, the lies and deceit are far worse than any truth someone can drop on me.
I’ve learned however, although I may speak the truth, in the not-so-distant past, I’ve told people what will be convenient. I wasn’t lying. But it was the answer they needed to hear. Whatever won’t (or I think won’t) disrupt their lives. It allows them to rest easier. I’ve rested easier in some ways too. It’s still the right thing to do, the right thing to say. But in my heart, I may be yelling and screaming. I’ll want to tell them how I think what they’re doing is the wrong thing. I may just want to tell them that the path they’re taking is wrong. However, since it’s not my life to live? And I’ve resigned from being a Joan of Arc and shit, I have a sit down. A seat. Several.
But what happens, if I’m afraid to say it because what I think is the right thing will ultimately benefit me too? How will the other person look at it?
Does that make it wrong?
Enter the dichotomy. The dualism. The torn nature. The struggle. The multitudes.
Do I tell you what I most want? If I do, does it make me a bad person when it won’t be the best thing for you? Or will it be the best thing for you too?
Lord, sometimes caring about other people and their feelings can be so difficult. That piece of human soul quality that puts others’ needs before our own. I feel like I have an extra helping of it. It makes things that much more complicated. Some days, I wish I could just turn that consideration off and do what I wanted to do.
It’s the inability to see down the line and how today’s decision, or indecision will affect life later. I’m not trying to fight unnecessarily. I’ve given up the need to be right. It doesn’t matter most times unless it’s life or death and well, most issues aren’t life or death. At the same time, if I need to go to bat for what I want, for something I believe in, I am equally a formidable ally and an opponent to contend with. I prefer not to fight most days. I was told not too long ago by someone I dated, my strong personality will win most days. But that’s the thing – I don’t want to have to win. It’s about what’s best between two people. What’s the point in trying to prove you’re right all the time if it’s the end of something you want?
Really though, how do you reconcile expressing your needs, telling the truth and not feeling guilty? Or indulgent even? My needs are my needs. My emotions and my truth are mine. But how many times has someone asked us (me) a question and we (I) tell them what I (we) think sounds best because I (we) don’t think they can handle the full unadulterated truth? I have done this many times in my few decades on Earth. It’s not that I didn’t want to tell them everything I wanted, it’s that I didn’t want to inconvenience them.
But what happens to me at the end of the day? What happens to them? What if I don’t woman up and say what I need to say?
I’ll tell you what – I lose out and it’s possible the other person loses out too. If everything isn’t on the table, then how can the best decision be made? How many times have I said – if only I had known this piece of the equation I would have done (insert whatever action) instead?
I know you’re going to cuss me out – but I don’t have a solution. Maybe it’s to be even more open? Not give regard to others? Maybe it’s to get better about surrounding myself with people who can read me – even when I try to hide.
Any thoughts? How do you/have you handle truth when it isn’t convenient?