Sitting here recapping the last few months’ events to a girlfriend of mine (hey Stacy!!), I basically told her about the last few months and then I said “But the show must go on.” She then told me I needed to write a blog post about it…. The last few weeks have looked just like this:
No bullshit. Sitting at the computer at work and at home. Writing, creating, planning. I haven’t stopped – working, writing, creating or crying – really. Just when I think I’ll stop? Yup – just like the scene. But you know what? I thank GOD for the work because it’s saved me in so many ways.
This isn’t how I’d normally handle things.
A few years ago, some of the stuff I’ve seen over the last year alone would have shut me down. (I know y’all want details but seriously I have to save some of this for the book I’m working on.) It hasn’t this time around. In fact, I’ve been working through most of the mayhem. You know, it’s that sudden realization that you don’t have the luxury or the time amidst what you may consider some major crisis. In some ways some of the things that have taken place really are about a crisis. Others seem to be first world problems and are more like annoyances or non-factors. Others, well, others may not even hit the radar for most people – but I’m not most people. I’m me. I’m Rae.
I know there’s talk on the interwebs/nets whatever you want to call it about black women, the strength of black women and how we just keep pushing and we just keep going in the midst of crisis. Well, I’ve tried to stop and in fact I have stopped a few times in my life. Sometimes when you stop – it’s too long of a break. That break that was supposed to be a month turns into six. Six months turn into a year. You understand what I mean right? By the time I’m aware of the amount of time that’s passed, I’ve not only lost the time, but I’m pissed at myself even more. Or at least this is what I’ve realized. Me stopping for too long? No bueno.
So despite the fact that some really crazy shit has gone down, I’ve learned that the show must go on.
I’ll also say when something huge is on the horizon, things normally start going a bit haywire. Ever noticed that? When you’re right on the fucking brink of something large, something amazing – a cog flies from the wheel or the tire blows out. Never happened to you? Keep living. Funny how it happens. Just realize it’s not coincidence. It’s in that moment I’ve realized I need to dig my heels in and figure it all out – find the strength to keep going. If I don’t have the strength, I’ve learned (read ‘gotten better at’) picking up the phone and asking for help. Or at least letting my loved ones know how I’m feeling so they can catch me if I start to fall.
Look, I can’t lie and say I didn’t take a day or two off here and there just to get myself together. That’s fine. But the proverbial I’m out and off the grid for weeks and months? No one has heard from me? Nope – can’t happen. Then again, I do know, if the time ever needs to come, I can shut the ride down and get off if I have to. I made a choice to do this (I think…lol). Even though I want to just throw a match at things and go and serve drinks on an island in a fatkini – yes, I still hold fast to this vision. Or maybe start my career as a burlesque artist and sing at night – yes, that’s on my bucket list as well but first of all, I have a life. My family and friends aren’t having it – although they all seem to be gung ho about me moving to the islands or performing in burlesque shows. What can I say? I have a supportive bunch. We even have a stage name picked out for me and someone on costume design. I digress. Next, I have all of you, the blog and a book that needs to
write itself be written. In addition, I’ve started guest blogging and branching out working on fashion posts here and here. So basically,
I realized I’d come too far into things just to sit down and stop. So – the show goes on and it doesn’t stop.
Before y’all jump me talmbout I need to take care of myself, etc – trust me – I do. I’m the queen of taking care of myself. I’m the queen of telling other people to take care of themselves. When I really need to have an extended seat, I’m quite inclined to do so and I do.
How do you push through hard times? How do you push through disappointment? Have you noticed you’ve gotten better at it over the years (in a good way)?
Well, let me leave you with a little something – my first burlesque show may have to look something like this but with a tighter dress and more makeup. Remember – the show must go on….